OBESE WITHIN THE MIND

My mind is a contradicting fellow who enjoys social relationships but also……. doesn’t. It’s constantly craving for social contact but also……… not. So how does one fulfill that constant needy and picky beast? With parasocial relationships. Parasocial relationships are when people form one sided relationships with say, a celebrity.

For the past year or so I have been obsessed with everything Korean: Korean drama, Korean music, Korean culture, Korean make up, etc.. So naturally I formed an ‘intimate’ and ‘close’ parasocial relationship with my favourite band, EXO. EXO is a Korean boy band comprised for 9 members (formerly 12) and needless to say, they are all masters in the art of seduction in their own way, leaving me, as a person that’s susceptible to celebrity worshipping, weak in the palm of their hands.

So what is it that makes me so susceptible to celebrity worshipping? How much a person is susceptible is dependent on these factors:

  1. Personality type: people who are egocentric/narcissist/easily irritated/moody are easily susceptible
  2. Religion: devoted people are less susceptible
  3. Psychological state: people who are lonely or people experiencing identity adjustments eg. People who are still developing their identities (therefore young people are more susceptible) or people who just experienced something, say divorce or losing their job.

Also as human beings it is in our nature to pay attention to those on ‘top’. Some may pay attention to them so that they may learn from them and emulate them, others may do so to better navigate their social scene.

I, for one, identify myself with the characteristics above. As I said, my mind is one that’s craves social contact but also……not. Which leaves me in a really awkward position of wanting to form meaningful and strong bonds with people but also wanting to stay home alone. Which often leaves me lonely and hungry for social contact and therefore the fantasy relationship formed in my mind with Baekhyun (the sunshine of the group) comforts me. As well as the fact that watching them shine so brightly up there gives me a sense of accomplishment as well.

So the question I will leave you all with is:

  1. Do you ‘worship’ celebrities?
  2. After reading my article, which category do you think you fit in that causes you to be susceptible to celebrity worshipping?

Ps. I personally don’t like the term ‘worshipping’ cause I am somewhat religious but that’s the technical term and it is the accurate term. Researching about this topic did also expose me in someway as I am not as ‘religious’ as I want to be.


RESOURCES.

Escape the labyrinth of depression

Depression is a sly little thing, it’s something that once you get acquainted with, it’s hard to get unacquainted.  Once you start, it somehow barges into your life so much that in the end being depressed becomes a habit, a go-to move your brain takes every time anything big or small happens. Suddenly you find yourself in a cycle of waking up wishing a sharp sword would just cut through your chest and falling asleep to the thought of getting into a car crash.

I, myself found my way out of the labyrinth of depression just last year after 6 years of hopeless wandering, fighting whatever the labyrinth threw at me. And although the labyrinth comes in different forms for everyone, I thought I should outline a couple of tips to help those still stuck in there to get out faster.

1. Learn what your depression is based on

Now in my previous post ‘Primarily Learned‘ I told you about my victim mentality and how I grew up more than half of my life without my parents. I grew up spending a lot of time alone without family or friends and I grew up convinced that what I needed to be happy was to have them. I was depressed that no one was there for me and that I had no one to lean on. So this was the very base of my depression, the fact that I convinced myself that the formula to happiness is something that I didn’t have.

Everyone has formulated their own formula to achieve happiness. ‘If I have that, I’d be happy’ ‘If I achieve this, I’d be happy’ ‘If only I could do ___, I’d be happy’ ‘If only I/they was better, I’d be happy’ And with these formulas we confine happiness to a certain set of things and without them we’d never feel that ultimate happiness. What we need to learn is to let go of this formula. The things we convinced ourselves that we needed to be happy, we need to let those go. Now I moved to Germany alone and I have spent the past 7 months without friends but I spend each day happy and not put down by the thought that I need friends to be happy. You may think this only works in my situation but if you simplify and simplify and simplify your problem to its basis your mind would be so much clearer. Is the ultimate basis that you’re trying to make two parties happy when there’s no way for the two parties to be happy? Or what is it for you? Once you get down to the basis, the way out of the labyrinth is much clearer.

2. Enjoy the little things and realize it’s not okay to be depressed.

I said it, realize it’s not okay to be depressed. These days, everyone’s going around saying it’s okay to be sad and depressed. It’s okay. NO. When I saw those post when I was depressed I just saw it as an excuse, ‘it’s fine, they said it’s fine for me to be depressed’

I know that realizing that it’s not okay to be depressed is not the equivalent to not being depressed. You don’t just realize and suddenly you’re able to control your depression and I’m not telling you to tell yourself off and fell bad about being depressed. The point is to move your mindset out of depression becoming a habit and an instinct.

I said it in my ‘Primarily Learned‘ post and I’ll say it again. Enjoy the little things. Really just stop and appreciate. Do not live your life looking downwards, shrinking your whole world to just one patch of darkness but look up at marvel. It does not take a whole lot to feel a bit of happiness. Do not aim for some sort of unattainable, possibly non-existent ‘ultimate happiness’. I personally feel a bit of happiness just looking at the colour yellow. It’s spring, look at the colours around you, look at new life budding all around you and if you’re in the South Hemisphere, bro, GO EAT SOME FEIJOAS!!! (I can’t even get them here!) Enjoy. The. Little. Things.

3. Incorporate feeling accomplished into your life and challenge yourself

How I actually got out of depression is that I worked for a company 6 days a week 12-16 hours a day. I had the most responsibility in the company other than the boss and I just had no time to be depressed. I had no time at all to think negative thoughts. I was either exhausted or concentrating on work. Even though I worked so much, I enjoyed it, I felt very accomplished and I was pushed beyond what I thought my limit was.

A way to feel accomplish is to challenge yourself. Now I’m not telling you to join a sweatshop and work till you die. The challenge you set for yourself does not need to be on a huge scale. Now that I’m not in that environment anymore, I challenge myself with the smallest challenges. For example, where I’m staying there’s a trampoline, I challenged myself to do a front flip. I bounced and I bounced for so long and I did not manage to accomplish my challenge BUT during the time I was bouncing I was giggling so hard because the fear of doing a front flip charged my body with adrenaline so that even though from the outside it just looks like I’m bouncing, I’m internally freaking out and it was so. much. fun. The result of the challenge does not have to be perfect but you should enjoy the attempt.

 

Although finding your way out of depression isn’t as easy as unfriending someone on Facebook, you definitely can do it. GIRL/BOY you. can. do. it. What you also need to do is to not make getting over depression as big of a hurdle as you think. Getting over depression is not feeling of ultimate happiness or loving yourself to the uttermost, but going ‘hey, today wasn’t so bad.’ ‘hey, this week wasn’t so bad’ ‘hey, these negative thoughts are appearing less and less’. Jump over the first hurdle and keep on slowly getting better and better. If you relapse don’t worry, but learn to catch yourself each time your brain’s go-to move is to be depressed, realize it.

If anyone else has their own experience they want to share to the other people looking at this post, whether you’ve already walked out of the labyrinth or if you’re still fighting to get out, please do. With more people and experience maybe more people can get out faster. Advice or questions are 1000000000000000000000000000% welcome. If you’d like to contact me privately to tell me your situation in depth, or if you just need support please tell me. Who cares if we don’t know each other? I will support you like I supported others. I will write 1000 word essays to you and whatnot. Like if you think this was helpful in any way, and follow for more posts.

PRIMARILY LEARNED.

As a child who grew up living more than half her life without her parents around, I milked the situation as much as I could to receive sympathy and compassion from others although in reality living without them was not terrible. My victim mentality made me view my life in the most negative way possible just so that I was able to put myself in the position of a victim, a victim who would receive momentary pleasure from the sympathy and compassion received by others.

The victim mentality allowed me to not take any responsibility of my life, I could get bad marks, become a hobo, and in turn just blame my parents for not being there for me or guiding me. I never made my own decisions and even when eating out I would MAKE others choose for me. That momentary pleasure, which I thrived upon, caused me to live my life unnecessarily depressed and made me want to die every time I woke up.

For 6 years I convinced that I was depressed and lived my life in a depressed manner, making myself a victim of the world. Till one day I came to the realization that the sky is breathtaking. I think it’s important to stop, slow down, and really, I mean really look at the world you live in. Look at the sky, look at the colours, feel the wind, and really just stop and experience and marvel. Just marvel.

A lot of the times we blow things out of proportions and because of some reason or another we convince ourselves that our lives are hell. We live our whole lives looking downwards. It’s easier to live looking downwards. We shrink the world down to just one patch of darkness rather than seeing the whole thing. And we miss out. We force ourselves to miss out.

Now I know that I myself, enjoy making myself a victim, I enjoy the sense of superiority that I have it the worse, my life is the worst. I can persuade myself into thinking that no, my life is miserable and its not self inflicted, life really just sucks. But I can also finally, finally appreciate it for what it really is, and that it’s great.

So if you’re even doubting just a little bit that your pain is self inflicted think about these questions:

  • Is this situation really as bad as I’m making it?
  • Is there actually a way to solve my problems?
  • What is causing me to be negative?
  • Is there another way of looking at this situation?

And really just stop and appreciate. Don’t choose to focus your energy on that one patch, but look up and marvel.

Naturally, if you have any experience yourself or your own situations please comment!


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